Saturday, June 04, 2005

a must to avoid

Crocheting gifts teaches you that not everybody appreciates a crocheted gift (or knitted for that matter). Visit any thrift shop and you'll normally see a few afghans, scarfs as well as some doilies. Yeah, some people are probably cleaning out estates, but _not_ that many.

I learned this lesson the hard way. So I'm going to share it, in hopes you have more sense than I do and will learn from my mistakes in judgement.

I'm embarressed to say it, but here it is - at one point I had a crush on an unworthy man - boy , actually, but age is not important here. I made the mistake of making him a crocheted tiger. I did my best and thought it was cute. At all times, my gut instinct was "Don't do this!" but I didn't listen. I made the further mistake of mailing it to him. *whew* was that an idiotic thing to do! Why didn't I just say "here's a chance to make me feel really rotten" - it would have been much easier.

Anyway, time passed and I heard_nothing_ about this tiger. Not that it arrived, that the post office destroyed it or even he threw it in the trash. This is _not_ a good sign, for those of you taking notes. A gift should be at the very least aknowledged, even if it doesn't produce pounds of praise for the giver.

Finally I seen this man, with the tiger sort of out of sight. He told me I should have know better than to send it to him, he didn't know what he should say or do about it. I was stunned. I never had that reaction to anything I made before and it really hurt to think my efforts were for naught. I offered to take it back or throw it in the trash or even give it to the cats to play with, but for whatever reason, he decided to keep it. I _wish_ I had taken it with me, but I didn't have the presence of mind to accomplish that task.

But I didn't learn anything from _that_ particular scenario. Oh, no - I _had_ to keep in contact with him, despite the fact that he really didn't seem that interested in me. I kept the relationship going out of stubborness (and probably a touch of midlife madness). Finally, thru lots of talk and tears (on my part, not from him or to him), I decided I'd let _him_ contact me if he chose to contact me. The funny part is that seemed to make him _want_ to contact me more.

You would have thought that would make me happy. But it didn't. It annoyed the hell out of me because I had a lot of other things going on and I needed to get my life straightened out. So the contact dropped off to maybe once a year - around _his_ birthday (how conveinent!). Now it's just "hi, happy birthday, bye" though I imagine at some point that contact will stop.

So what are you supposed to take away from this little story? Of course, you wouldn't be stupid enough to make something for somebody who lacked the ability to appreciate a gift. Hopefully you won't be - you'll listen when your gut instincts tell you "No, don't _do_this". But if you do find yourself in this situation, remember that you did a kind thing by offering a gift. If the person you have given it to can't appreciate it (and by extension, you), this is not a person you should spend time with or offer another gift. It isn't your fault and there's not a darned thing you can do to change that person. But you can change yourself. You can pick up the gift and walk away. Or you can just walk away. A lot of people out there appreciate a lovely gift(and by extension, you) but you won't meet them by hanging around somebody that's not capable of being considerate of your feelings. Crochet for charity or for your bunny or your sister's dogs - just don't waste any more time on a person that won't be grateful for your gift.

That's it for now.

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